There are many types of addiction in our modern world: alcohol, nicotine and other drugs, food, sex, shopping, work, gambling, internet and social media — and the list goes on. We’re all more or less aware of those. But what if I told you that you could get addicted to comfort? What if our increasingly “easy” way of life is slowly killing us?
The last few generations have witnessed an unprecedented surge in comfort and prosperity, at least in the developed countries. We have food security — to the point that many eat more than they can handle. Life expectancy has risen dramatically. We can source pretty much anything in just a few clicks, from the comfort of our temperature-controlled homes. We don’t really need to do manual work anymore, unless we absolutely want to. We’d consider it a big adversity if we found ourselves without cell reception even for a few minutes. It seems like we have successfully eliminated all the stressors that tormented our ancestors. We live in safe, predictable and sanitized environments.
Then why is it that we’re becoming increasingly anxious and frustrated? Why are so many people on antidepressants? Why are we never happy? Why — no matter how much wealth and comfort we accumulate — is it never enough?
The answer is simple: comfort can be addictive. And like with all addictions, the more we indulge, the bigger the dose we need. “Comfort creep” is a psychological phenomenon where humans gradually adapt to increasingly high levels of comfort, making previous levels of comfort feel unacceptable. The more comfortable our lives become, the less tolerance we have for even minor inconveniences. And when adversity comes, the less equipped we are to address it.
The easier the life gets, the weaker we become
There is no growth in comfort. No one became stronger and more resilient by sitting on a cozy couch, sipping wine and watching TV. We humans have been hardwired to deal with stresses similar to the ones our ancestors faced before all this comfort came at us. In other words, a life without adversity is unnatural.
Mental strength is quite similar to physical strength. If you don’t use your muscles they weaken and atrophy. Use it or lose it. It’s the same with mental strength and resilience; they can only be trained when hardship comes. And we can only realize our limitless potential once we put ourselves in risky, stressful and uncomfortable situations.
One of my biggest fears as a young adult was talking in public. The mere idea of it made me shake from the inside. I was convinced I couldn’t do it. When I started working as a corporate lawyer, I had to make presentations to big audiences quite often. I still remember the first time I had to do it. I didn’t sleep at all the night before. I even considered calling in sick. But somehow I gathered all the strength I had left and made the presentation. It wasn’t great. But it took most of my fear away. After a few more, the fear was completely gone and I became really good at it.
Moving past my comfort zone made me realize that I actually enjoy talking to people about things I care about. Today it’s yoga instead of law but I’m grateful to my previous career for teaching me that.
Happiness lives on the other side of fear
My other big fear was snakes. I would get a panic attack if I saw even a dead one. About a decade ago I decided to travel to Thailand and spend one month in the jungle. It didn’t occur to me that I would most certainly encounter snakes. My little jungle hut looked cute on the pictures and that’s all I cared about.
A king cobra greeted me in the garden on day one. I remember screaming to no avail — there was no one around. I went inside my hut, shut the door and inspected the whole place for snakes. I didn’t find any. What I did find was a meter-long gecko lizard crawling on the wooden ceiling above my bed. Needless to say I didn’t sleep a wink the first night. Or the second. At some point exhaustion wore me out and I slept. When I woke up the next morning the gecko had moved to the opposite corner of the ceiling. It didn’t fall on me. Apparently they never do.
That trip marked the end of my snake phobia. The month I spent in the jungle among snakes, lizards, wild dogs, a dengue fever epidemic, no power after 10pm, no hot water at all and several accidents such as a broken toe was one of the happiest times of my life. Nothing was easy or comfortable. I was absolutely not prepared for it. I was a city girl, dressed in tailored suits and high heels spending most of my waking hours behind a desk. I had never taken a cold shower in my life. I thought I needed comfort to be happy. I found the opposite to be true. This is when I decided to quit my job and change my lifestyle for a more minimalistic one. I never regretted it and I don’t think I ever will.
Get uncomfortable now
In the book “Comfort Crisis” by Michael Easter there is a lot being said about the psychological impact of outdoor challenges. Scientists from New Zealand and the UK went through nearly 100 studies. Their main takeaway: leaving the modern, sterile world and exposing ourselves to new stressors can help us develop toughness. “Confronting risk, fear or danger produces optimal stress and discomfort, which in turn promotes outcomes such as improved self-esteem, character building and psychological resilience”, they wrote.
Putting yourself in extreme outdoor situations is not the only way to train your capacity to better deal with stress, accept discomfort and forge character.
There are many ways to deliberately challenge yourself in a controlled environment.
Here’s a few examples:
- Try cold water swimming, cold plunges or showers. I cannot stress enough how good they are for you. Cold water not only improves the immune response (goodbye colds and sniffles) and reduces inflammation, it also enhances mental focus and mood via the release of dopamine and endorphins. After 10 minutes in the cold water I always feel a deep euphoria that lasts long after. Studies have linked cold exposure with significant benefits for those suffering from anxiety and depression, without the downsides of medications.
- Allow yourself to be hungry. Hunger is not the enemy. It’s a natural state. Our ancestors only ate during a short window in the day, when there was natural light. We need 12-16 hours to fully metabolize food and for the autophagy to kick in. Autophagy is a process during which the body gets rid of aged and damaged cells and creates new ones. In other words, eating within a shorter window during the day and accepting a few hours of uncomfortable hunger is beneficial for your body and trains your mind to accept discomfort.
- Spend a few hours or an entire day without screens. We live in a world of constant noise — literal and metaphorical — to the point that lack of stimulation and silence become hard to handle. Dig into that discomfort. Stay with yourself with no distraction around for a while. Your nervous system will thank you later.
- Allow yourself to try challenging activities you’re not good at or prepared for. The obstacles might feel insurmountable at first. Still you will be surprised with how resilient and resourceful a human can be when exposed to a difficult situation with no choice but to face the adversity.
Hardship fosters gratitude
One of the biggest downsides of living with too much comfort is that we end up taking it for granted. It’s too easy to get used to convenience and then ask for more and more. We humans are extremely capable of forgetting where we started and only focus on what’s missing instead of what’s there, available to us. Comfort creep is real and is making our lives miserable.
Don’t get me wrong: all the progress that has taken place the last two centuries is great. It’s amazing to not have to starve or die of incurable illnesses. It’s a blessing to have a roof over your head. It’s extraordinary luck to have heating and cooling and smart phones. For many, clean drinking water is still an unthinkable luxury — every trip to India reminds me of that.
All this comfort only becomes a problem when we become dependent on it. When we lose perspective, and with it the ability to be appreciative and grateful: instead we become greedy and anxious. When we cannot imagine ourselves without our comforts, not even for a day. When they make us idle, lazy and kill our resilience. When, instead of making our lives better, they end up enslaving us. When not having to fight for anything makes us believe we’re not able to fight at all.
So, befriend hardship. Let it show you your strength. Treat every adversity as a teacher, as a revealer of the immeasurable fortitude you hold within you. You will come out of it not just stronger but with greater self-esteem, steadier nervous system and bigger appreciation for the wonderful world around you.
“Life is not only a pleasure but a kind of eccentric privilege”
G.K. Chesterton
